Six Chivalrous Deeds to Teach Your Son

There seems to be a consensus among the answers to the Q4U: What do you do when teens push past you? and Is chivalry dead? Chivalry is not dead – yet – but we need to teach it vigorously to our sons.

Modeling behavior for a young child is a powerful teaching tool. Sons and daughters learn how a man should treat a lady by how Father treats Mother.

I also believe that sons will pick up this behavior better from their fathers. But for times when Father isn’t there, either literally or figuratively, here are some specific knightly actions and attitudes to teach a boy. I encourage my eight-year-old son to be chivalrous not only with me but also with his sisters. What better training ground than right there in your family? In interacting with a lady, I expect that my son should –

Open the door for her. The door of her home, the door of the car, the door at a restaurant or store. As I walk through, I say to my son, “Thank you, sir.” “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4)

Let her go first. First through the door, first at the buffet line, first to open a gift at an exchange. Again, I always say thank you. To make it fun and see my son smile, sometimes I curtsey. “And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve. . . .” (Matthew 20:27-28)

Use a gentle tone of voice. A boy should save his shouting for the ball game and eliminate disrespectful and derogatory attitudes altogether. “. . . That you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business. . . .” (1 Thessalonians 4:11)

Eliminate profanity substitutes from his vocabulary, both in public and in private. Of course, the best practice is never to start using them. A gentleman should use words that actually contribute meaning to the conversation. “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification.” (Ephesians 4:29)

Use positive, complimentary words about women. To call a woman “hot” reveals that he is only looking at her body. This is rude. Women have brains, too. (And, may I be honest? It drives me crazy! A man who considers only the physique of a woman doesn’t deserve a woman who is fun and witty and intelligent and a good mother…. Okay, climbing off my soapbox.) “. . .Let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting. . . .” (Ephesians 5:3-4)

Offer to carry or lift heavy objects for her. I tell him that this doesn’t mean that she can’t do it herself. But it demonstrates that her ease and well-being are important to him. My three-year-old loves to carry in heavy groceries, and I always say, “Thank you, big strong boy.” My eight-year-old son is a little young to understand this yet, but someday he’ll see that it also gives him a chance to show off his muscles. “. . . Be tenderhearted, be courteous. . . .” (1 Peter 3:8)

And ladies, I praise you for voicing your gratitude when a gentleman does hold the door for you. Let’s encourage it as much as we can!

What would you add to this list? What more can we teach our sons (or our sons’ friends or nephews or grandsons) about chivalry? How goes it with your young knight?

Now continue the discussion -- is "hot" a compliment?

~~~~~

Receive new posts from this blog by e-mail.

Let’s connect on Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest.

~~~~~

Linking with What Joy is Mine, The Modest Mom, Raising Arrows, Homemaker by Choice, Holy-Spirit-Led Homeschooling, Visionary Womanhood, Your Thriving Family, Susan Godfrey, Beholding Glory, Consider the Lilies, Comfy in the Kitchen, Jenni Mullinix, Our Simple Country Life, Denise in Bloom, Intentional Me, True Aim Education, No Ordinary Blog Hop, Deep Roots at Home, Raising Homemakers, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Women Living Well